Eddie…is a Drama Queen.
I walk the dogs together and separately, because Eddie is far more energetic than Gidget (she’s at least 8, and no way he’s really 4). So he was bouncing around this afternoon and I said I’d take him to the mailbox to get the mail. (Gidget’s feelings were not hurt, it’s hot AF here and she wasn’t going to budge from the AC.)
So, we’re walking to the mailbox, and the 4th of July Flags are still up here in MAGA Valley. We have a neighbor/condo board member/whatever who lines the streets with small dollar store American flags for any remotely appropriate occasion, and the flags are still up.
Eddie paused to sniff one, and before I could say “Don’t pee on that,” he yipped and fell over sideways, holding up his paw. I mean, he fell over on his side in the grass, like he’d been shot.
I of course thought “Jesus, I’ve had him a week and a half and we’re already dealing with a sting or a bite or something,” and was preparing to message my coworkers that I was dealing with a veterinary emergency.
I tried to get him to stand, and he held up that paw and whimpered. So I carried him home, grateful I didn’t have to wrangle Gidget too.
We got inside, I grabbed a cool wet paper towel and sat on the couch with him to check his paw. No blood, no swelling, no nothing, and in 30 seconds he was trying to chew the paper towel. I am questioning his story at this point. He’s still waving the paw around, looking sad.
I put him on the floor and he held up his paw and limped dramatically but somehow insincerely. I decided to test him and said, “Does anyone want a treat?”
Dear Readers, I’m guessing you know what happened next. That paper towel of tap water clearly had water from Lourdes. It was a Miracle! The deathly wound was forgotten and he ate three treats.
I’m sure he did step on something in the grass that gave him an owie, but seriously, his performance was over the top. Falling over on his side and whimpering really sold it. Drama Dog is Dramatic.
Don’t listen to her. It really did hurt a whole lot.