I’ve been giving myself a pity party lately. I spend my days in my home office staring into monitors, doing tedious and technical work that is slowly, slowly, killing my soul.
Did I tell you what my granddaughter said while she was here in June? She wandered into my home office bored, and I decided to briefly explain my job to her. I made it seem interesting, I kept it really brief and light. She looked, listened, and said, “This is not good for you.” It was such a blunt, serious statement I was taken aback. All I could say was, “I know kid, but I need the money.”
It’s SO HOT I cannot even psych myself to go to my Happy Place. I may do Epcot next weekend, if we aren’t under threat of severe thunderstorms AGAIN. I have, after so many years of visiting the parks, finally assembled the summer Disney Parks wardrobe of my dreams: cool and comfortable as is possible under those conditions, age appropriate, where have these clothes been all my life? Apparently in obscure corners of Amazon, because that’s where I found all the components.
I still haven’t started that Disney blog I’ve been threatening, and I should be focused on that, but focus has been sorely lacking lately. More on that in a bit.
I very much like my new paycheck, but don’t like the new job much. My previous position, which I also didn’t like much but now seems much more engaging in hindsight, is still open. They had a FOURTH person lined up for it and that person too bailed the day before they were to start. The job market is like this now, a qualified person has many options, and my former contractor position apparently is not very appealing. Qualified people don’t have to settle for contracting now. If only upper management understood this….
But anyway, back to my topic. I am rolling with the weather and life in general, but I have identified a few things I can do that will help my body and my attitude, starting now.
I’ve drifted away into moderate anxiety and mild depression, not in a big, OMG I really do need meds way, but in that vague, “I’m far from my best and I know it” way. I’ve been analyzing what changed in my life over the last couple of years, and yeah, I fell off the walking wagon, the yoga wagon, and – the easiest and least sweaty – the meditation wagon.
Why? I don’t know! Once my schedule changes even a bit, all the habits just fall away and I have to make a conscious effort to get back on track. I have been making only a half-assed effort and of course, getting half-assed results.
I’m a huge audiobook fan. I listen to variety of genres and get them from many sources, but Audible Plus had an included (you don’t have to spend a credit) 3 hour book that I clicked on on a whim: How to Train Your Mind. I have been feeling frustrated about my job and my job performance and clicked on it on a whim, and damn, this was just the kind of no bullshit reinforcement of what I already know about the benefits of meditation.
I listened while cleaning the house today. It is so no woo-woo, evidence-based, practical, it reminded me that when I meditated for 10 minutes every morning, my life really was objectively better. Why did I stop? It was comforting to hear that the author has quit for days or weeks at a time too, only to realize how life changed for the worse.
So, from now until Labor Day I am doing a meditation experiment. I will meditate for 10 minutes every day before work. I will work hard to get 10k steps a day. I will get off my ass and do at least a few minutes of yoga.
Back to the basics that I know will work.