So, In Entirely Non-Disney Drama…

I’m going back to work next week, God Willing and the Creek Don’t Rise. I already knew my contract would be renewed, I’d been called by my rep from my contracting company: raise, new title, a few days of PTO, etc., all good. I peed in a cup at a very nice inside slightly sketchy outside doc in a box a few miles away.

When I did this for my initial hire and my last contract renewal three years ago, it was at a lab. This was not quite so lab-like, though as far as I could tell the young woman managing the process seemed to be doing everything right.

I don’t know if you all can tell from a distance, but I have anxiety. I pre-worry my ass off about everything; I was trained to do it by two anxious parents and a childhood of drama.

That’s a subject for an entire book, but anyway, I’m going about my days this week wrapping up my month off, doing what I have to do to go back to work next Wedneday. Absolutely nothing is amiss, absolutely nothing indicates that there are any barriers to returning to work, the raise, etc. I am fretting 24/7 anyway.

The AC at the house is fixed. I had to put over $6400 on a credit card because I don’t have that kind of money in ready cash, especially after being without a paycheck for a month.

So I’m refinancing this condo, because once again, I’ve been somewhat dense. I’ve been not quite living paycheck to paycheck, but I have a boatload of credit card debt (none of which was from having fun trips to anywhere, but was from other repairs and vet bills and such) and this place still needs some work since I started remodeling 9 years ago. It needs windows. It needs some plumbing work. Paint and wallpaper removal. It needs stuff. I have no cash flow for stuff.

It was only after Sophie was gone for a month that I realized why my Discover card bill looked like I’d bought a used car with it. The charges to it for prescription food and meds and vet stuff just stopped, and it was dramatic. While I was in the middle of it I knew it was a lot, but I was so focused on making her feel better, I was just sort of aware of the cost.

Seriously, never judge people who have to surrender pets, or put them down, because they can’t afford the bills. While I don’t regret giving her every chance she could have to get better, between her prescription food and meds and the potty pads for accidents and all the drama, I was spending at least $600 a month on the low end. I was too stubborn to give up on her until she was ready to go, and I don’t regret it at all, but DAMN.

Thanks to my only smart investment in my freaking LIFE, I have a ridiculous amount of equity in this place. I can refinance and pull out some money, rebalance the scales, pay off the house AC and all the other debt I had no fun accumulating, and still have a ton of equity. Even if the housing market “adjusts,” as I expect it will, I’d be fine. Pay off the credit cards (there are only two, but they have been doing some heavy lifting). Plunk the rest into a high interest savings account and dole it out carefully as needed, to fix shit that needs fixing, and just LIVE, and breathe.

But right now I’m in the pause between starting my new contract at the new rate at my familiar job, I just shelled out $6k+ on a dead air-conditioner, and I’m stressing over nothing weird going wrong between now and Sept. 1.

I didn’t picture my last week of my first time off in three years being quite this way. But, 2021.